Back to School Jitters
I remember the first-day-of-school jitters, the ones that hit me the night before as I carefully laid out new clothes my mom purchased just for the occasion. It was a nauseating mixture of excitement, hopeful anticipation, and paralyzing panic. What would my new teacher be like? Would any of my friends be in my class? What if I couldn’t find my locker? Who would I sit with at lunch? With a new school year came a new flood of fears.
My children head back to school this week and I’ve been stocking up on all the necessities. I’ve checked off every supply from the school list, stockpiled lunchbox favorites in the pantry, washed and pressed their new clothes for the first day, and spent an entire morning sorting and labeling items to be loaded into their backpacks. Yet no matter how well-prepared we are, every year I find myself tossing and turning the night before my kids begin a new grade. I wrestle with the same familiar jitters I did as a child, not for me anymore but for them. What if they forget where to meet me after school? What if no one talks to them on the playground? Will they choose the right friends this year? What if this is the year Providence thinks she’s too cool to be seen with her little brother? On and on it goes.
My husband set a precedent on our daughter’s first day of preschool. After she’d finished her breakfast and loaded her tiny bookbag, he pulled her aside and prayed over her. He wrapped his strong, protective arm around her little waist, held her hands in his, and prayed she would have courage, confidence, and joy as she entered the uncharted territory of Ms. Sharon’s preschool class. He prayed she would remember Jesus as her friend when she felt insecure or lonely. He prayed others would see Him in her, and would feel good because of it. I was a nervous wreck that morning, but watching Zach surrender our little girl to the hands of her heavenly Father reminded me how small my fears were in the light of His goodness.
Our daughter Providence is starting sixth grade now, our son Justice is starting third grade, and their Dad’s first-day-of-school prayer is still the marker of every new year. After they pray we load up the car and head off to school. I hug my kids and wave goodbye as they venture onto campus, and then I walk away. This is the moment that always gets me. Every. Single. Year. This is when the lump forms in my throat and salty tears swell in the corner of my eyes. This is when I remember the prayer my husband spoke over my children just minutes before. This is when I realize they are in God’s capable hands, and that they were His kids long before they were ever mine. Through my tears, I lay every worry at His feet. I trade my fear for faith. This is where God reminds me the Truth my husband and I so lovingly planted in their hearts will reap fruitful rewards. He assures me they’ve got this because He’s got them.
For Providence, I trust her character and her confidence in Christ will dictate her decisions. I am assured of her discernment and know she will surround herself with like-minded friends who show kindness, compassion, and inclusivity. I don’t doubt she will boldly and bravely use her voice to speak up for herself and others. When she feels unsure of herself I am certain she'll remember how deeply her Dad and I believe in her capabilities. If she is discouraged or defeated, I am positive God will meet her in her humility. When she feels alone, I trust her friendship with the Lord will sustain her. When she fears failure, she will know that trying her best is enough, that she is enough, for God and us.
For Justice, I believe he will use his gifts for God’s glory, not his own. I trust he will remember to lean on God’s Word, not the words of others, when he’s searching for truth. When he feels tempted to take a shortcut, I know the Holy Spirit will gently remind him to stay the course, even when the course is hard. I believe the desire to be truthful will overrule the temptation to avoid consequences. I have faith his confidence will come from the Lord, not from the praise of peers. When the enemy’s lies tell my son he isn’t as smart or as good as others, I believe God will intercede and speak His gentle but firm truth to Justice’s heart. I am confident the Lord will provide friends who encourage him to be authentic, selfless, and gracious.
The world isn’t always kind. Peer pressure is an intense beast, bullies are mean, friends can betray, words can sting, and life can be so very cruel and unfair. Try as I might I cannot protect my children from what lies in wait for them this school year, but I can speak life into their tender hearts day after day. I can counterbalance any fears they have with love. I can encourage them when they are weary. I can point them back to God’s word when the world gets too loud. I can bolster them with the armor of God and equip them for whatever comes their way. I can listen with empathy and remember how hard elementary school felt sometimes when I was their age. I can stand ready and waiting with a smile and a warm embrace at the end of the school day. I can hold them with an open hand and place them in the arms of their Father. I can pray away their fears and mine. I can trust they’ve got this because I trust God’s get them.
My husband and son, praying over our daughter on her first day of kindergarten.
August 2017