A Balancing Act
A couple of years ago, during a lunch date with friends, I was asked to describe my current season of life with one word. I chose the word, “balance.” At the time I was feeling very balanced indeed. I was having daily quiet times with the Lord. I was exercising each morning. My home was clean and organized. My kids were thriving in school. I had a balanced budget and an orderly calendar. I could mentally check off every area of my life in a nice, tidy list. The thing is, as sweet as it felt to be performing that balancing act with such precision, it was exhausting, even impossible, to maintain. I was giving each area of my life equal attention, but not prioritizing anything. God was there, sure. But He was a box to be checked, nothing more.
Like many of us, I had been duped into believing that if I could just get my life “in order,” I would be at peace. Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest are saturating us with images of those “have it all together” lives, showing us what we need to do and to have, to be happy. For all those images hold in allure and beauty, they are severely lacking in authenticity and reality. What they don’t tell you is that even if you clean your house, get your workout in at the gym, read your daily devotional, whip up a healthy family dinner, get your kids to bed without any fuss, and go on a weekly date with your husband, you and your family will still struggle with the issues of sin in your heart. You can filter every photo, post every perfect moment, and check every box, but on the inside, you’re still YOU, with all your flaws and shortcomings. And it’s okay.
Ashley Hales, author of “Finding Holy in the Suburbs,” writes, “I have thought that with enough healthy eating, Bible reading, quiet time, and good sunshine, I would increasingly move toward wholeness. Yet, even on the days, I check off my boxes for all those things, I find anger or disappointment wrapping itself around my heart and spewing forth at those I love. More good habits do not change hearts.” Have you ever exhausted yourself trying to balance it all? If you’re like me, you’ve probably found the harder you work to maintain balance, the quicker you are to stress or snap. The slightest disruption to your spinning plates can send them all crashing down. Balance does not equal better.
I recently did a month-long study of the Proverbs 31 woman with the book, “Famous in Heaven and At Home” by Michelle Myers. If you want an example of a balanced life, the Wife of Noble Character certainly seems to have it all. Her marriage is thriving. She’s a great mom. She has gifts and skills that benefit her family. Her business and ministry are both successful. You may think that’s what you need. Balance. But Myers writes, “None of us need to live balanced lives. You see, balanced indicates that everything is of equal importance. And that could not be further from how God has called us to live. He does not desire to be of equal importance to everything else in our lives…Balance is not the answer. Surrender is.” God doesn’t just need to be on your list, or even at the TOP of your list. He should be the one writing your list. If we go through our day letting our desires dictate what we do, we’ll spend most of our time either self-absorbed or aiming to please everyone else. What if we tried starting each morning by asking God how He wants us to spend our day? Who does He want us to notice, to love, to serve? What does He want us to let go of so that we can better see the opportunities He has for us? Maybe running those errands, washing those dishes, planning those meals, going for that run, or returning those emails, all need to take a backseat to God’s agenda. Start your day with open hands. Turn the “to do” list over to Him and see what happens. You may not get as much done. You may not feel as balanced. But your heart will be in line with God’s, and when that happens, everything else falls into place. True order is restored.
When we keep things balanced, giving everything equal weight and importance, we don’t leave any space for the unexpected. The Holy Spirit thrives on the unexpected. I have often found my cup filled to overflowing at the end of a day in which things happened I didn’t plan on. By God’s leading, I had an uplifting conversation with a friend. I was intentional in talking with my kids in the morning so we were late getting out the door. I lost track of time in my morning devotional because I kept thinking of more things to pray over, so I didn’t get a shower. I may not have checked any boxes on my list, but I made room for God to do His work in me. The list will still be there tomorrow.
God can use our list too. I’m not saying we should ignore our daily responsibilities or just “wing it” each day. For those of us Type A personalities, we need SOME kind of structure to our day! I get it. But instead of methodically working our way through each category of our perfectly balanced life, let’s welcome God into each thing. When we let Him write our list, He may still want us to volunteer for the school bake sale, but not for the same reasons we would. The world tells us to do everything, be everything to everyone, and with perfectly washed hair and donning an outfit fit for a Gap commercial. We need to show everyone we’ve got it all together. We’re so balanced! It’s tempting to show up to that bake sale and present our dessert, looking like it’s been swiped from the cover of Food Network Magazine. We set it down, accept praise from the other parents, and saunter off to tackle the next thing on our day’s agenda. But what if we spent more time in His Word than on Pinterest, looking for impressive recipes to show up to other parents? What if we spent more time chatting with our kids in the morning than showering and fine-tuning our makeup so that we show up to the bake sale in our pajamas with a store-bought apple pie? And what if we lingered and got to know the other parents, trading war stories about homework and carpool lines? What if we cared more about noticing others than being noticed? It starts with surrender, not balance.
When you look more closely at the Proverbs 31 woman, you’ll see she did nothing without God determining her agenda. She delighted in her daily duties (v.13), she didn’t just move down her list. She genuinely enjoyed her calling as a wife and mother. She wasn’t methodical, she was intentional (v.16). She kept her arms open in surrender, to serve and give to others (v.20). Her love for the Lord was placed of higher importance than her appearance (v.30). There was no social media, no Pinterest, and no photos back then for her to show off her seemingly balanced life. And yet, we know all about her. God used this wife of noble character as a description of the women He’s called us to be, not as a to-do list.
More than a decade ago I was standing in line at a friend’s wedding, waiting my turn at the dinner buffet. An acquaintance of mine from church was behind me and we struck up a conversation. She asked me what I’d been up to, where I was working, and the usual small talk. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I must have painted a pretty well-rounded picture of all the things I was doing in my life. She responded, “I’ve always admired you, Anne. You are such a well-balanced person. You just seem to have it all together.” I remember her exact words because at the time, and for years after, I considered it the highest compliment I’d ever received. Now, with my feet firmly planted in hindsight, I see how misguided I was. May I never again give the impression I have ANYTHING “all together.” I pray when others see my life, whether it’s through the lens of social media or from my living room couch, they see authenticity, and life so dependent on God that everything else on my list couldn’t possibly be achieved without Him.