A Free Pass

What would you confess if all consequences were off the table? If you knew there would be no ramifications for anything you owned up to, would you spill it all? For some us, this feels like the get out jail free card we’ve been waiting for. We may have one big secret or many that have kept us in chains for so very long. The fear of condemnation has kept us from confession. But if we could live without fear, oh the freedom we’d feel by unloading our secrets! It’s sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?

Last night, on a whim, I gifted my nine-year-old son with his own get out of jail free card. I called it a “free pass.” We’d been talking about the pitfalls of habitual lying: the constant fear of getting caught, the increasing severity of consequences the longer the secrets are kept, etc. In a tortured voice he admitted, “I lie to you and Dad all the time. I just can’t help it.” I knew my son struggled with honesty, but I didn’t realize he lied “all the time.” I gently asked, “Why do you feel you need to lie to us so much? Why don’t you feel you can tell us the truth?” He said he was afraid of getting in trouble. That’s when I had the idea. “If fear of consequences is the reason you lie, what if I promised you no consequences for anything you share with me tonight? Now’s your chance to get it all out in the open. Tell me the truth about things you’ve been keeping from me, and I promise you won’t get in trouble.”

Now, all you parents out there are probably shaking your head in disbelief. I’ll admit, as soon as the words escaped my lips I wondered how soon I’d regret it. (Turns out, very soon.) But before you judge me too quickly, let me explain. I was a child who habitually lied. I fabricated stories from thin air. I lied when asked a direct question about my choices. Then I lied to cover up my lies. I lived in constant fear of being found out. I carried around shame and secrets, adding to my load for years on end until I finally buckled under the weight. By then I was a newly married woman and the web of lies I’d spun had devastating consequences, not just for me but for the ones I loved. So when I saw my son wrestling with honesty, wanting so much to be trustworthy but without a clue where to begin, I saw myself. This is why I gave him an opportunity to practice truth-telling without fear of repercussions. I wanted to give him a safe space to unload the weight I knew he’d been carrying, to experience the freedom of the truth.

Well, as you can imagine, my son took full advantage of his “free pass,” and began with wrongs he committed more than four years ago. Some were quite shocking. (Others, not so much.) More than once I had to stifle a laugh, but even more I had to bite my tongue. When he was done I asked, “How do you feel, now that you’ve confessed everything you’d been keeping from me?” He stood up, grinned, rolled his shoulders back and forth and said, “I feel so much lighter!” I smiled. “That’s called freedom,” I said. “And that’s the feeling I want you to be familiar with, not the weight of your sin and shame. That lightness is what comes from being in God’s will.” 2 Corinthians 3:17 says it this way: “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Do you know this feeling? I pray you do.

Confession brings freedom. This is what I failed to recognize for so much of my young life. Once my son experienced it, he asked me, “Mom, can we do this every week? It feels so good!” Well, the goal of course was to not hide things from me in the first place, so I didn’t want to make a routine out of free pass confessionals. I told him as much. That’s when he shared with me how much he struggles with self-control. His heart, while so tender, doesn’t know how to say “no” when temptation strikes. “I get so mad at myself because I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t stop myself!” he cried. Does this struggle sound as familiar to you as it does to me? I was reminded of Romans 7 where the apostle Paul shares, “This has become my way of life: When I want to do what is right, I always do what is wrong. My mind and heart agree with the Law of God. But there is a different law at work deep inside of me that fights with my mind. This law of sin holds me in its power because sin is still in me. There is no happiness in me! Who can set me free from my sinful old self? God’s Law has power over my mind, but sin still has power over my sinful old self” (Romans 7:21-25).

Later when I tucked my son in bed, I read him Paul’s words from Romans and assured him he wasn’t alone in his battle with self-control. Paul’s oration could’ve been pulled straight from the pages of my prayer journal. We all grapple with sin. “But you can ask for help,” I told him. “When you face temptation, ask God to show you the way out. It helps to tell someone you trust, too. Your dad and I are here to pray for you and help you. We can help you stay in God’s Word so that when sinful desires come, you have Scripture as your weapon. You won’t get it right every time, and when that happens, confess right away. Don’t wait. Don’t hide it with lies.”

My encouragement to you is the same today. Saturate yourself in God’s Word. Scripture is the greatest weapon we have against the enemy’s schemes. Seek accountability. Surround yourself with people who point you toward Christ. Ask for prayer. No temptation you face is uncommon to anyone else out there (1 Corinthians 10:13) so don’t let embarrassment or shame keep you in the shadows. James 5:16 urges us, “Tell your sins to each other. And pray for each other so you may be healed.” Author John Mark Comer said it this way: “The more we hide, the less we heal.” A light heart is a healed heart. Don’t carry the weight of your sin a minute longer.

In spite of the promise of healing, perhaps you’re still wondering if your confession will reap punishment. Well, our choices often have consequences. Bridges get burned and they’re not so easy to rebuild. Discipline is issued because lessons need to be learned. Our confession means we’ll need to “face the music.” That’s just the way of it. But let me be clear: consequences are different than condemnation. My husband and I love our son without condition, just like our heavenly Father loves us. We discipline him because we love him and want God’s best for him. But when we belong to Christ, we don’t get treated as our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10). Jesus took the punishment for us. Do you see? He gave us a free pass. We can tell Him anything and His love for us will never change. Just like my love for my son didn’t change after everything he confessed to me last night.

Before he fell asleep I read my son the last part of Paul’s words in Romans 7:25-8:1: “I thank God I can be free through Jesus Christ our Lord! Now, because of this, those who belong to Christ will not suffer the punishment of sin.” Last night my son slept in freedom. Tonight we can too. Hallelujah.

”Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.” Psalm 32:5