Be Kind

“Be kind.” We see the words everywhere. It’s a movement. We see these two little words printed in bold, bright letters around school campuses, plastered on car bumpers, or staring back at us from ads on a city bus. We see them stitched on sweaters, or as anti-hate slogans painted on poster boards. We drill the words into our children the moment they meet a new friend or sibling. We wisely caution our family members with these words before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner. (I’m not the only one for whom that’s necessary, right?) We offer kindness as a solution to all our conflicts. “Be kind.” These two simple words have the potential to change everything. If everyone was kind, the world would be a far better place. So why is it so hard to do?

Last week my second grader was giving me a debrief on the day’s playground drama. Our conversation went something like this:

“Someone called me a bad name,” he said tearfully.

“Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that buddy. What did he call you?”

“He called me a triple jerk.”
”Wow, that wasn’t very kind at all. Why would he call you that?”

“Well, he kept tagging me even though he said he wasn’t playing tag!”

“Okay. And so why did he call you a jerk?”

“Well first, I called him a fool. And THEN he called me a triple jerk.”

“Ah. Now I understand.”

After setting aside the fact that my son resorted to using insults from the Elizabethan period, I told him that while I don’t expect him to like everyone, I do expect him to be kind to everyone. This requires a great deal of self-restraint for a seven-year-old, and well, let’s be honest, for most adults too. I sometimes utter an unkind word under my breath when I get cut off or held up in line. I have let not-so-nice words escape my lips in response to an insult, however slight. I have been known to be rude, condescending, vindictive, and spiteful. (You have too, whether you’ll admit it or not.) Our default setting is retaliation. We are unkind when we feel others have been unkind to us, (like when my son retaliated with “You fool!” to his irritating classmate).

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” Kindness, it seems, is equivalent to love, and love is not selfish, proud, irritable, or offensive. Yet it’s precisely when I’m feeling selfish, proud, irritable, or offended that I struggle to be kind. This is no coincidence. Kindness is contrary to our sinful nature, and to the world. Nothing in our world supports putting others first. Nothing in our culture tells us to extend a helping hand or to sacrifice our time, money, or resources to be kind to someone else. Nothing in the media tells us to bless those who persecute us. To be kind means to swim upstream. To be kind takes courage. No one understood this more than Jesus.

Jesus was insulted, falsely accused, beaten, betrayed, and mocked. Not once did He retaliate. Not once did He speak against His enemies. He refused to stoop to their level. He looked those who scorned Him straight in the eye, not with malice but with forgiveness. To show strength in the face of pain is courage. To stand tall even when you’re being slandered is courage. To respond with words of love, mercy, and grace is courage. To exercise self-control and calmly walk away is courage. Kindness takes courage because it is what’s least expected and it is always the harder choice.

So we know responding with kindness isn’t easy, but what about leading with kindness? I believe this is what the “Be kind” movement is really all about. The word “be” simply means “exist,” so when we say “Be kind,” what we’re really saying is that kindness should be part of our existence, in our DNA, a living, breathing piece of who we are. “Let all that you do be done in love,” says 1 Corinthians 16:14, remembering that kindness is love’s equivalent. Jesus was the embodiment of the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. He didn’t just respond with these things, He was all these things, and if we are to claim to live in Him we must live as Jesus did (1 John 2:6). Like Him we are to initiate acts of kindness, leading by example. Responding to negativity with kindness requires courage and a dying to self, but leading with kindness costs us nothing.

There’s a saying I’ve seen on many a Pinterest board, wall art, and t-shirt: “Spread kindness around like confetti.” It’s such a fun word picture, isn’t it? Think of how easy it is to scatter confetti, a substance that seems to multiply all on its own. It requires zero effort, but the result is a colorful, celebratory, mess of happiness! Imagine filling your pockets with confetti at the beginning of each day. Every little piece represents a smile, a warm gesture, or an act of generosity. Now, make it your mission to scatter that confetti, emptying your pockets by the day’s end. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? If you’ve ever had confetti in your home you know how long it can linger, how resilient it is. Kindness works the same way. I’m certain we can all remember an act of kindness done for us, and how it changed the trajectory of our day, maybe even our life. It sticks with us, like a rogue piece of confetti found on the floor months after the party, still putting a smile on our faces.

Years ago when were still living in Arizona, my husband and I were sitting together after we’d put the kids to bed. Zach was telling me how discouraged he felt at work, and how unseen his efforts were. Just then, we heard a knock at our door. My husband got up to answer it and there, on our driveway, stood a dozen youths and staff from our church. Each of them had words of affirmation to give Zach. Each one handed him a small gift, a token of their gratitude and appreciation for all he was doing for the church. We’ve never forgotten it. Do you see? A small gesture that costs you nothing, could breathe life into someone’s weary soul. It’s not for nothing. Don’t withhold it. Scatter it like confetti.

Lead with kindness and others will follow. Be kind and others will respond in kind. With each small act of kindness, we become more like Jesus, and the world becomes a better place.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” -Aesop