Dear Justice Grant
Dear Justice Grant,
From the moment I learned of your existence I prayed your birth mother would choose your needs over her own, that she would choose what was fair and right for you, and that God would grant you justice. The final two days leading up to your birth are forever imprinted on my heart. I will never forget those treasured moments spent at her bedside, discussing what kind of man you’d become. 55 hours of labor before you finally showed your face. (It turns out, you still don’t like to be rushed.) As you took your first breath, your brave and beautiful birth mother turned to me and asked, “What’s his name, Anne?” I’d carried your name in my heart for such a long time. I always knew it would be Justice Grant, and I told her so. She smiled and said, “It’s perfect.” You were placed in her arms first, the woman who loved you enough to give you a better life. She looked deep into your eyes and said, “Hi Justice. Welcome to the world.” I hope you always know how extraordinary it is to be loved so completely by two mothers.
You, my sweet boy, are the son I always wanted yet never expected. You are not a rough-and-tumble kid. You prefer the kitchen to the sporting arena. Dinosaurs and construction sites have never been your jam. You love fashion, rainbows, the theatre, books, dancing, and things that sparkle. You wear pink with pride and sing at the top of your lungs. You are the most confident kid I’ve ever met. You fearlessly walk into every room, ready to introduce yourself. You LOVE who you are, and we do too. There’s nothing you won’t try, no challenge you won’t take on. Justice, you are adventurous and brave. I pray your spirit and your zeal for life stay with you until you’re old and grey. But I also pray you develop discernment, knowing when to pull back and set limits. I pray you come to understand the difference between adventurous and reckless. You love to be right (don’t we all), and you are so sure of yourself all the time. I pray you learn to discern between confidence and pride. May you grow to be a man who is willing to admit when you get it wrong, quick to humble yourself and seek forgiveness. This is not easy for you to do right now, but I pray with time and practice, you will understand the value in it. Your relationships will thrive if you do, trust me on this.
My son, you are affectionate and affirming. You make me feel beautiful and wanted every single day. You are quick to compliment me, kiss me, hug, snuggle, or reach for my hand. You pursue me. You ask me out on dates. I lose count of how many times you say, “I love you, Mama,” each day. Thank you for never letting me forget it. I love being the love of your life. Your future wife will someday have the sweet pleasure of your affection. I am already so jealous of her. No matter how hard your day has been, your sour mood can always be diffused with a warm embrace. You allow us to tickle the grumpiness out of you, to lure laughter from the dark corners of your attitude. I appreciate that you don’t hold a grudge; you forgive easily and choose love over anger every time. I love that about you. I know I tell you to stay calm and use your words when you’re frustrated, but I don’t always set the best example. Thank you for forgiving me when I lose my cool. You don’t even realize how much you’ve taught me about unconditional love.
It’s so fun to watch your love languages develop year after year. Aside from food, (which will always be ranked number one, of that I’m certain), you seek affection and words of affirmation. I take so much delight in affirming your strengths and telling you how proud I am of you. Your little tank fills up so quickly with a high five, a hug, and a job well done.
Justice, you have the gift of bringing joy and laughter into the lives of others. I smile SO much when I’m with you. Your laugh hasn’t changed since the day we heard your first giggle. It is the most contagious and delightful sound on the planet. You genuinely love making others laugh with your facial expressions, silly antics, and storytelling. If you don’t end up on a stage or a tv screen someday, it will shock us all. You are destined for the spotlight. I hope it’s ready for you.
You are so much like me in all the best and worst ways. This is why our feelings for each other run so deep. We both wear our hearts on our sleeves. We express ourselves clearly and loudly, and we make no apologies for it. We love making people laugh, comforting those who are hurt, and standing stubbornly in our convictions. Every day I walk a fine line between wanting you to learn things the hard way and protecting you from the same holes I fell into. The things I want so much to teach you are things I’m still learning myself. We both have so far to go. These past six years of being your mom have pushed me to limits I didn’t know I had. I have cried tears of frustration, hurt, and love over you. I have prayed just as fervently for you since your birth as I did when I was waiting for your arrival. I promise I’ll never stop. I love teaching you what it means to be a gentleman and to treat others with kindness and respect. I love teaching you who Jesus is and what He’s done for you. But mostly I just love loving you. Now please stop growing up.
Love,
Mom