Embrace Your Lack
My family and I were just pulling up to our lodge at Yosemite National Park on the first day of our summer vacation when it happened. Our minivan started to sputter and jerk. My knuckles clenched white as I gripped the steering wheel and eased into the designated guest check-in space. “No no no no no,” I muttered. “Not now.” We had plans to use our van throughout the trip and of course, to make the three hour trek home at the end of the week. This was not the time to experience car trouble.
We checked in, hauled our luggage to our room and started to explore the grounds of the lodge, but I was beyond distracted. I was looking up nearby mechanics, calculating the cost of a tow truck, checking our bank account balance and entering our car’s “symptoms” into Google to assess how significant the problem was. Nothing looked promising. Our kids were oblivious, excitedly taking in the the natural surroundings and mapping out our adventures for the next day while I quietly suppressed a panic attack. I needed to find a solution and find one fast.
I was reminded of a Saturday morning devotional when my family and I read the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. It’s a well-known story for church goers and we usually hone in on the miracle Jesus performed, which makes sense; multiplying a meager basket of food into a bountiful meal for a hillside full of people is mind-blowing to the say the least. But that morning around the breakfast table, we noticed the disciples.
In the late hour of the day, upon seeing the crowd, the disciples realized the people would be getting hungry soon. They suggested to Jesus they send the people away into the nearby towns to purchase food for themselves (Mark 6:35-36). It seemed a practical enough idea, but Jesus didn’t jump on board. Instead, He responded with a question: “How much do you have?” Two hundred denarii (only a day’s wage), five loaves of bread and two fish was all, “but what are they for so many?” Andrew answered. The disciples had a problem and the first thing they did was look to their finances and their provisions, only to find themselves lacking. How many times have we faced a human problem and sought an earthly solution, only to come up short? We look to our own resources to meet our needs and fix our mess. We agonize and stress over what to do. Like the disciples, we fret and fuss so much over our insufficiency that we forget who we’re with.
By this point the disciples had witnessed plenty of miracles. Jesus had turned water into wine when the wedding guests ran out. He had healed the sick, blind and paralyzed. I would imagine many of those He healed had first sought the help of a physician. Maybe they had tried every remedy or taken advice from family and neighbors. Yet in every case they came up short, lacking a solution. It wasn’t until they turned to Jesus that they found provision and miraculous restoration. Jesus had shown the disciples time and time again what He could do for those who had nothing to offer but faith, yet they still asked, But what can be done with our lack?
That first night on vacation I stepped outside onto the deck off our room, looked up at the surrounding sequoias, and remembered my God who values me far more than even the sparrows He provides for (Matthew 6:26). I took a seat in the rocking chair and prayed: “Lord, I don’t know how we’re going to fix this. I feel stuck. I’m coming up short here. Please help.” For the rest of the afternoon I prayed for a miracle.
After we’d taken a dip in the pool, enjoyed dinner at the hotel restaurant and made s’mores by the campfire, we made our way back to our room at the lodge. My husband offered to take the car out for a test drive while the kids got ready for bed, just to see if it was at all driveable. I took my place on the deck again and continued to petition God for help. When my husband returned a while later he shrugged and said, “Huh. It’s funny. The van’s driving great. Not even a hint of trouble.” Could it be? Had God miraculously “healed” our van? The next morning as we loaded up to head into Yosemite Valley, I laid my hands on the dashboard and prayed for His continued provision. “I trust You. Thank You for what You’ve done so far. Keep providing please,” I whispered as I turned the ignition. For the duration of our vacation and throughout the drive home, our van showed no cause for concern. Not only that, but it’s been three months and the van hasn’t shown any signs of problems since. God’s provision didn’t just sustain us for our trip, it’s lasted far beyond it.
“He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he blessed and broke the loaves. He kept giving them to his disciples to set before the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. Everyone ate and was satisfied. They picked up twelve baskets full of pieces of bread and fish,” (Mark 6:41-43, italics mine). When we hand Him our lack, He returns it back to us tenfold. He keeps giving. It’s no coincidence that the surplus of food filled exactly twelve baskets, one for each disciple. Jesus provided for each one of them, above and beyond what they ever could have achieved on their own. They only had to remember who they were with.
Like the disciples, eventually we make our way to Him and show Him our pitiful supply. With a humble shrug we admit, “I don’t have much. What can this do to help?” And we’re right, it isn’t enough. But it’s all He needs. He is the God of miracles. The God we pray to today is the same God who fed the five thousand. He’s right here with us, waiting to show us just how much He can do with our mustard seed-sized faith (Matthew 17:20). Take a seat on the green grass, Jesus says, and watch what I can do with your lack (Mark 6:39).