Fear Not
I was thirteen years old the first time I dared to get on a roller coaster that went upside-down. After years of giving in to paralyzing fear, I finally crumbled to peer pressure. I still remember swallowing down bile and ignoring the overwhelming need to use the restroom as I stood in line for a roller coaster aptly named “Demon” at California’s Great America theme park. Despite the assurances of my friend and her parents, I was sure I would meet my Maker by falling out of my harness halfway through one of the terrorizing vertical loops. (Last year I watched an episode of “9-1-1” in which this exact scenario was played out, and I’ve never felt more validated.) I kept my eyes sealed shut for the duration of the ride, and when all was said and done, (a mere 95 seconds later), I wondered why I’d held out so long. There had been nothing to fear. Now I’ll hop on any roller coaster, so long as I’m prepared to have my equilibrium thrown off and my stomach churn for the remainder of the day, (everything changes in your forties). The day they make a roller coaster with seats allowing you to remain in the fetal position, I’ll be the first in line.
Four years after riding the “Demon,” I conquered another fear of mine: water slides. A “near drowning” incident when I was young kept me from going on a water slide for the remainder of my childhood. In hindsight, I’m not even sure what happened was all that traumatic, but it gave me an excuse to avoid something my fear convinced me was absurdly dangerous. During our senior class picnic at the local water park, I once again yielded to peer pressure and joined my friends on the water slides. As with the roller coaster, I found I had nothing to fear. I felt so silly for avoiding them all those years.
Not all fears are rational, it turns out. But then, any grown adult who’s afraid of needles probably knows that. (No judgment here. I have a strong aversion to blood draws. I get queasy just LOOKING at the underside of my forearm. I refuse to participate without the guarantee of cookies, juice, and a solid thirty minutes of lie-down before I’m asked to vacate my chair… the same goes for pap smears.) Sometimes our fear isn’t really of death but of discomfort. We don’t like the feeling an experience will give us, so our mind conjures up fear and trepidation. It’s quite unlikely the uncomfortable experiences we avoid will result in significant pain, injury, or worse, death. So why do we let fear dictate our decisions? I missed out on the thrill of roller coasters and water slides my entire childhood. It was a small price to pay, but what if I avoided bloodwork, pap smears, mammograms, vaccinations, or anything else that made me squeamish? The sacrifice could be far greater.
Just last month I received a call back from the radiology department, requesting a follow-up mammogram and ultrasound to get a closer look at a concerning area on my left side. I didn’t want to be told my life was in danger, or that my well-planned future was at risk of being pulled out from under me. My fear told me that this uncomfortable experience could result in something far worse, so best to put my head in the sand. Had I not recently lost a friend to cancer, I’m not sure I would’ve gone through with it. Nothing about that experience was pleasant. I felt vulnerable, exposed, and I endured some brief but intense pain. Yet it was one hour of my life. One hour of fear and discomfort to be told I do not have cancer. When I walked out of the medical office all I could think was, “That was it? That’s all I had to do to get total peace?” Fear tells us to avoid, resist, and run away. God tells us to face our fear because it’s only then we will see His best for us. Facing our fear could lead to the thrill of a lifetime, or it might just save our life.
When we let fear decide for us, the enemy wins. Fear is a liar. It is a voice that tells us to stay where we feel safe and comfortable. Fear tells us only bad things could come from taking a risk. Fear delights in holding us back. The enemy uses fear to keep us blinded to the good things God has in store for us. But hear this: God’s love is the antidote for fear. His love is what empowers us to face our fears head-on.
During our vacation at Lake Tahoe last week, our family went through a ropes course high up in the trees, (and I mean, HIGH). I hadn’t been on a zip line since college and every time I stepped off a platform I had to silence the voice of fear that told me, “Your harness could fail. Your kids and husband could watch you drop to your death.” Awful, right?! The voice of fear is often morbid and terrifying, but when we trust in God, fear stakes no claim on our hearts. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling” (Psalm 46:1-3).
On our way to the ropes course that morning I encouraged my children that if at any point they felt afraid, they shouldn’t pause to dwell on their fear. “The longer you think about it, the harder it will be to do it. Don’t let your mind spiral into fearful thoughts. Don’t overthink it. Just trust God, and go,” I’d said. I had to take my own advice more than once that day. Had I refused to participate in the ropes course because I listened to my fear instead of God, I would have missed the opportunity to model courage and boldness to my kids. I would have failed to see spectacular views of His breathtaking creation from my perch high in the pines. I would never have seen the fierce determination my children showed as they plowed through one obstacle after another.
Fear has no power over us when we trust in the love of God. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” (1 John 4:18). Fear and love cannot coexist. This is why throughout the Bible we read God’s insistent words that we fear NOT. He is continually assuring us that His presence will sustain us, embolden us, and give us peace when our hearts are troubled (John 14:27, Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). So, what’s a little prick of the needle, a ride on the roller-coaster, or a doctor’s appointment in the light of God’s love? What can a cancer diagnosis do that God can’t overcome? If the worst should happen, God will be there too: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). This was the verse I recited as I waited for results from radiology. I was preparing for the worst but trusting in God’s best. When we are looking fear in the face and tempted to run in the opposite direction, may we instead choose to step boldly into His love and loudly proclaim, “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1).