This I Know
Today I am packing up the Valentine decorations in our house and reflecting on all things love. What is love? Where do we find it? When do we feel most loved by others? How do we love others well? When God says He is love, what does that even mean? I could create a lengthy playlist of songs asking these same questions. We all wonder about them. We have all lived through seasons in which the concept of love has dumbfounded us, carried us, or left us curled in the fetal position, crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. So what is love? Everyone answers that differently. I can’t define it for you, but here’s what I know to be true of love in my life.
I grew up going to church, so of course, the lyrics of “Jesus Loves Me,” and the words of John 3:16 were impressed on my heart at a very early age. As a child, I found them reassuring, but I lacked any understanding of what Jesus’ love meant to me personally. For a long time I never really felt I needed God’s love. It was just always there. The love of my parents was the most obvious example I had. It was constant, reliable, providing for me and caring for me without fail. I had no doubt in my mind I was loved. It wasn’t until I was mature enough to understand the sin in my heart that I recognized my need for a Savior. My poor choices began to reap big consequences and my stubborn heart fought with the need for repentance. My parents were unfailingly patient as they waited for me to seek forgiveness. Whenever I came around, tail between my legs, they were quick to wash my slate clean. I lost count of how many times my Dad told me, “No matter what you do, no matter how bad you think it is, you can always come home.” It was a love I didn’t deserve. Psalm 86:15 says, “But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” My parents exemplified this love so well. They gave me a safe place to repent and be redeemed; a place of grace and compassion, not anger. Through them, I learned love is unconditional.
After Zach and I had been dating for a while and realized we were heading for marriage, I felt compelled to share my previous dating record with him. While I was Zach’s first serious relationship, he was not mine, and I wanted to be open and honest with him about choices I’d made with previous boyfriends. I wasn’t proud of my history and I worried Zach would see me differently once he knew everything. My voice trembled in shame as I disclosed the details. I prepared myself for judgment and rejection. What I got was a glimpse of God’s redemption. Zach looked intently at me and simply said, “I love you for who are you now and who you are becoming, not who you were.” I could feel my spirit lighten as the shame of my past left me. This man, this future husband of mine, would never hold my past against me. Neither does God. “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us,” (Psalm 103:8-12). Through Zach, I learned love is redeeming. It is a lightening of burdens. Love is absolving.
Early into my marriage, I came to terms with some deep-rooted sin; sin I’d withheld from my husband and could bear no more. The Holy Spirit got hold of me and brought me to a place of overwhelming humility (it would not be the last time, either). I sat before my husband, certain what I was about to tell him would result in him leaving me, or requesting a separation at best. By the grace of God, our marriage survived, but I’d broken trust and had to work hard to earn it back. God used my husband to bestow undeserved grace and forgiveness over my deceitful heart. 1 Corinthians 13 took on new meaning for me that year. When I read words like, “Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth,” (v.5-6) I know what that looks like in my life. My husband has shown it to me; I’ve seen it firsthand. It’s taken repeated offenses on my account for me to release my self-seeking and dishonorable ways. But I can stand here after fourteen years of marriage and know without a doubt that love, “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres,” (1Cor. 13:7). Thank God for true love. It is unshakeable.
As any parent knows, having children will teach you a lot about love. During the season of “Terrible Twos,” (and “Threenager,” and “Four-nado…” okay, every season is hard), I did a lot of deep breathing, wine drinking, and repeating Ephesians 4:2 to myself as my toddler kicked and screamed outside the bathroom door. “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Humility, gentleness, and patience are hard to come by when a child is testing every nerve. The irony of it is that children are so much better at this than we are. I let my kids down. I lose my cool. I am insensitive at times. They put up with all of it. They forgive me so much quicker than I forgive myself. At the end of the day, I’ll lay in bed thinking of all the ways I fell short. My kids end their day covering me in kisses and snuggles, falling asleep feeling nothing other than assured of my love for them. It’s sort of miraculous. So is love. Providence and Justice have taught me that.
Everything I do for my kids is done in love. I discipline them because I love them. I create rules and boundaries for them because I love them. I provide for their needs because I love them. I shower affection on them because I love them. I cheer them on because I love them. I forgive them because I love them. God does all these things for me too, because He loves me. I give up my sleep, my time, my money, and often my dreams, for the sake of my children. I would lay my life down if it meant saving theirs. God does this too. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins,” (1John 4:9-10). He gave the ultimate gift. He paid the ultimate price. There is no greater love than sacrifice.
When we sing, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so,” it’s the truth. The word, “love,” appears in the Bible 551 times! God’s Word is filled with examples of His outrageous love for His people. Outside of the Bible, God reassures me of His love in my daily grind. My five-year-old son walks past me in the hall, stopping to kiss me and say, “I love you, Mama.” My husband consistently asks, “What can I do for you today?” My daughter draws me pictures of my favorite things and posts them on my mirror. A friend texts me, “How are your spirits today?” My parents visit from California and spend time intentionally engaging their grandkids in cookie making, book reading, and zoo exploring. When I sit in the presence of a friend, knowing nothing I say could make her love me less. When my kids snuggle up close and read books together after they’ve reconciled from a fight, when my husband tells me I’m beautiful, when a friend affirms my gifts, when my kids forgive me for losing my temper, that’s love. It’s not always in grand gestures. It’s often in the moments I take for granted; the little moments that I have to look closely to see. That’s where Jesus is.
Loving others, (or loving myself) in the way that Jesus loves, isn’t easy for me. I’m a selfish, prideful, lazy human being (as are we all). Showing love takes intention. It takes a willful dying to myself every hour of the day. I don’t always feel like loving my kids, my spouse, or my friends. It’s hard to forgive a betrayal, a broken promise, an insensitive act. It’s hard to put my desires aside and prioritize the needs of someone else. So what’s my motivation? Jesus. I choose love because He first loved me. I choose grace because He’s shown me grace. I choose forgiveness because He’s forgiven me. It’s that simple. I understand what God’s done for me. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it. I love because of it.
I don’t know your story. I don’t know if you had parents who welcomed you back home. I don’t know if your spouse chose to stay after you confessed your wrongdoing. Maybe God’s love is a lot harder for you to see than it is for me. But I do know His love for you is just as deep and wide. Whether or not you’ve seen it exemplified well in the people around you, doesn’t make it any less true. Even if the only assurance you have is what you find in the Bible, it’s enough. His love for you is so eternal, so unconditional, that He gave up His only son for YOU. Now go, and love because of it.
“We love because he first loved us.” 1John 4:19