My Chance to Shine
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” -Matthew 5:16
Recently an old friend sent me a video commemorating the ten year anniversary of a ministry for moms at his church. The video was a beautiful montage of interviews of the women, past and present, who have taken part in leading the ministry over the years. They reflected on the impact it’s had on the moms in their community, the haven it’s provided and the deep friendships formed as a result of the tireless efforts of so many volunteers. There was, of course, a focus on the history of the ministry, how it all began and how far it’s come in the last ten years. It was a sweet celebration of its continuing influence, all because God laid it on someone’s heart to draw moms of young children out of isolation and into community. That someone was me.
My friend sent me the video to encourage me. My family and I left his church nearly five years ago, but he wanted me to see that the ministry I began is still flourishing. I wish I could tell you my reaction was one of gratitude and affirmation, just as my friend intended, but it wasn’t. Instead, as I listened to the accounts of faces and friends from a past life, I felt the deep sting of being left out. My contribution to the mom’s ministry, though significant, was only vaguely referenced, my name not even mentioned.
Why wasn’t I asked to contribute to this anniversary video? How could they leave out my story, all the hard work I put in to launching and leading that ministry for three full years? I sat there in my pain for a long time. I felt more than just left out, I felt forgotten. I felt disregarded by a community of people I was once deeply connected to. I felt deserving of more credit than I was being given. Five years after leaving not only that church, but that state, I still felt entitled to some sort of acknowledgement. My heart was so filled with prideful indignation it nearly burst from my chest.
While I was so fixated on being forgotten, I forgot something too: Matthew 5:16 tells believers to “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven,” (v.16). Watching that video, stewing in my perceived neglect, I forgot the good works may have been mine, but the glory was God’s. I didn’t begin a mom’s ministry for the notoriety. In fact, I didn’t want to do it at all at first. I stepped out in faith and obedience. I saw a need and asked God to help me meet it, and I certainly didn’t do it alone. I had a gifted and selfless group of women around me that helped make it possible. Our mission was unwavering from the first day: provide a welcoming space where moms will feel seen and known, not just by each other but by God. That mission was accomplished, and through God’s faithfulness it continues to be carried out today. After leading and growing the ministry for the first three years, I passed the baton to another set of capable hands. I watched from the sidelines for two years as another team of leaders served the moms of their community. Then, I left. Another five years have gone by and that mom’s ministry is still growing and thriving. I should have been praising God for that. Instead, my pain and pride were making it all about me. The fact that my name was no longer remembered was evidence to the contrary; clearly God didn’t need me at all.
I needed to recognize my hurt for what it really was: grief. The truth was, I missed being a ministry leader. I missed the community of friends and fellow moms that carried me for so long. The video reminded me of a time when I was confident in my calling and deeply passionate for the work I was doing. The sting I felt was one of loss more than bitterness. I wanted proof that my presence there had mattered, that even though I had moved on, perhaps they hadn’t. I missed being needed. Once I recognized that, I was able to see things for what they really were.
Today I pressed ‘play’ on the video again, this time with Matthew 5:16 in mind. Where before I had only seen a glaring absence of my contributions, I now saw a God glorifying tribute to a ministry that’s been His from the beginning. As I listened to the testimonies of every ministry leader who came after me, I was overwhelmed by the number of lives impacted by the call God placed on my heart all those years ago. Every woman who stepped into “my” role shared a passion and purpose to reach fellow moms with the love of Jesus. They didn’t talk about all the time and effort they’d put in; they only spoke of their appreciation for the ministry itself, the lifeline it became for them in their early years of motherhood, and wasn’t that the point? I swallowed a lump in my throat and humbly submitted myself before the Lord:
“Thank you for trusting me with the task of launching and leading this ministry ten years ago. I knew even less then than I do now, and yet You called me to it. You provided the people and the resources I needed to succeed. I was just one small thread in the incredible tapestry You were weaving. I’m so grateful to have played a role. Continue to place Your hand of blessing on this ministry. The impact is eternal, and the souls saved are more important than any accolades my selfish heart can seek. Forgive me Lord. I had my chance to shine. Now to Your name be the glory.”
Study & Reflection: Have you ever felt hurt or disappointed when you didn’t receive credit you thought you were due? What were the circumstances? What did you do with your pain? Take a few moments today to reconcile any selfishness or pride in your heart before God. Dig deep and uncover where those feelings are really coming from. Write down Psalm 115:1: “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory because of your faithful love, because of your truth.”
Prayer: Father, thank You for the opportunities You give us to shine. We pray that the light we bring to the world would be a reflection of You and You alone. Give us humble hearts. Use our accomplishments and victories to bring others to You. Forgive us for seeking applause and recognition from a world that is not our home. Our reward is in heaven where we can spend eternity in Your everlasting light. Amen.