A Defining Moment

Last night, seven women gathered around the fire pit in my backyard. Within the flames were pieces of paper; handwritten lists. They were lists of all their negative thoughts and self-talk, the lies they tell themselves, and the words of the enemy. Each woman stood in the flickering light, watching the words turn to embers before their eyes. When all that was left was ashes, they picked up their pens and paper again and wrote a new list. A list to replace the lies with truth; a list to remind them of who God says they are when the lies of the world begin to creep back in. It was beautiful to witness. The calling and passion I have for helping women see their worth and find their identity in Christ is a result of my lifelong struggle, a struggle I’m blessed to say I’ve been set free from.

Two years ago I wrote my own list. Once I got past the difficulty of putting all my private thoughts on paper, the words flowed far too easily. My list of harmful self-talk was long. The pages filled quickly with phrases like, “You’re a failure. You’re not living up to your full potential. You lack self-control. You’re a disappointment. You’ve hurt so many people, that they’ll never trust you again. You’ll never be disciplined enough. Why can’t you finish anything you start? If you could just lose the weight you’d be happy. If could just stick to the right regimens you’d be more attractive. You’ll never be that thin again, ” and on and on and on. As I approached the fire, I found it hard to relinquish my list. Those words, awful as they were, were so familiar. They were my truth. But it was time to release them and put an end to the control they had on my heart and mind. As I watched them disintegrate into the flames, I was reminded of Isaiah, the prophet God sent to, “bind up the brokenhearted…to release from darkness…and to bestow a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair,” (Isaiah 61:1-3). It was time to stop grieving all the things I wasn’t and embrace joy in who I was in Christ. It was time to trade my ashes for a crown of beauty. It was defining moment for me. One I’ll never forget.

Writing a new list of God’s truth didn’t come as easily. I struggled coming up with very much, (evidence I hadn’t spent enough time at His feet and in His Word). I took a few days flipping through my Bible and adding to my new list a little bit at a time. Once I felt good about it, I made copies. One copy went on my mirror, one went in my car, and one went in my purse. No matter where I went, I had a reminder of who God said I was. Over time, the new list was committed to my memory, and now, I know just how to thwart the enemy when he comes lurking. I am free.

What would your list look like? What does the ugly, harsh voice of the enemy whisper to you each day? Does that voice cause you to doubt yourself? To overindulge? To obsess? To backslide? To give up? That voice is not your friend. That voice cannot be trusted. But God can. God shows us we don’t need to do or be anything more than exactly who we are to be loved by Him. He shows us in Jesus. “Before Jesus did anything to earn the Father’s love, he was called beloved. Before he followed all the rules, loved others, or healed people, he was beloved. Before he took on the sin of the world or even taught and lived righteously in front of the public, he was beloved…Jesus is eternally beloved by the Father. His every activity unfurls from his identity as the Beloved. He loved others, healed others, preached, taught, rebuked and redeemed not to gain the Father’s approval, but out of his rooted certainty in the Father’s love,” (Ashley Hales, Finding Holy in the Suburbs). If you’re a parent, think about the love you have for your children. Do they need to do anything to earn your love? Do you ask that they work on themselves or change who they are in any way in exchange for your love? Absolutely not. Our heavenly Father’s love for us is the same. He offers it to us freely, without condition. Any inner voice, any other person, any message you hear from the world that contradicts this, is not worth listening to.

I had a sweet discussion with my 8-year-old daughter this week. We were talking about her adoption and the difference between her biological family and her adoptive family. I explained to her that just like we adopted her, God has adopted us into His family. We are nothing like Him, nor could we ever hope to be, and yet He welcomes us in and invites us to share in all that is His, simply because He loves us. When we adopted our daughter, we knew nearly nothing about her. She looked nothing like us. We had no idea the kind of person she’d turn out to be, the choices she’d make, the struggles she’d face. None of that mattered when we brought her home. She was ours. My daughter is secure in my love for her. I pray she roots as deeply in her security in Christ, so that when the world starts to tell her she’s not enough and her inner voice grows louder, she will stay grounded in His truth; she is chosen, adopted, blameless, redeemed, and forgiven (Ephesians 1:3-14).

The world will tell us being beloved comes from working harder to be more acceptable or more beautiful. But, “You cannot belong based on what you have, what you do, or what others say about you…. it is countercultural to live in light of this deep-rooted belovedness because everything around us says we need a constant stream of more to belong. This, friends is a lie. Wrapped in Christ, we have everything. We are held in an eternal embrace. This is the true story we must learn to inhabit,” (Hales).

So, who are we in Christ? How do we find an identity outside of the world, outside of the opinions of others, outside of the media mandates? I could tell you, but I think it’s better to hear it straight from the One who created you. Loving Him is the only way to truly love yourself, after all. If you’re struggling to write a new list to replace the old, the best place to begin is Psalm 139. Here we are assured that we are known, we are seen, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. My favorite is verse 16 (I’ve mentioned it in previous posts), which says, “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” This tells us God was thinking of us, planning out every detail of who we would be. He was intentional in His design of us. No part of us was made by mistake. Isaiah 43 speaks God’s affirmation to us loud and clear. “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine,” (v.1). Our freedom can only be found in our redemption. Jesus’ death on the cross was compensation for all our faults, our failures, and our sin. When we look in the mirror each day we shouldn’t give any weight to our list of shortcomings. Jesus paid for them all, and because He did, we are His. As His precious possessions, we hold value. Luke 12:6-7 says that even the sparrows are not forgotten by God. “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows,” (v.7) We are known so intimately by our Creator that He knows the exact number of hairs on our head. We are so incredibly valuable to Him.

Think about all the negative self-talk that plays like a broken record in your mind each day. Think about all the times you’ve felt defeated before your day even began. How easy it is to become a slave to our thoughts. We let them dictate how we feel about ourselves. Our sin exists. We will never be perfect. But we can look all the bad in the face and know it doesn’t define us. In Galatians 4, Paul tells us, “You are no longer a slave, but God’s child; since you are his child, God has made you also an heir,” (v.7). We are God’s children, heirs to His throne, sons, and daughters of the Most High King, the Creator of the universe! What business does the enemy have telling us we’re not good enough? Oh, that I could take each of you by the shoulders, look in your eyes and say, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1John 3:1). Our significance is not measured in Facebook likes. We don’t need to lose that 15 pounds to be loved. We don’t need to complain about our wrinkles or our bank accounts. We don’t need to use our spouse, our kids, our friends, or our colleagues to find belonging. We’ve already been chosen.