Dear Providence Joy
Every year we take pictures to commemorate our kids turning another year older. Yesterday I took my daughter, P.J, downtown to snap some photos in anticipation of her upcoming 9th birthday on November 1st. As my camera clicked away I was taken aback at how quickly my girl has grown. She stood before me, not a baby, not a toddler, not a little girl, but a young lady. As I showed the pictures to my husband later that day, he said, “Wow, 9. I can’t believe she’s turning 9. That’s halfway to 18. We’re halfway through. 9 years from now she’ll be leaving for college.” (When he says things like that I feel like throwing my hands over my ears and burying myself under a pillow. I don’t always appreciate a good dose of perspective.) As I reviewed the photos again today, I felt compelled to articulate the feelings in my mama heart as I watch my daughter grow before my eyes. I’ve never written her a letter before, not like this. But there’s a first time for everything.
Dear Providence Joy,
No matter how many times we tell you the story of how you came to be part of our family, you’ll never fully grasp how desired and loved you were before you even came into existence. You, my sweet girl, are the product of countless prayers. For nearly two years before you were born, God carried us through deep pain and loss. He surrounded us with friends, family, and complete strangers who prayed relentlessly for the right child to be placed with us. You are ours because God provided for us when we were in our most desperate place. You were and have always been our joy. Not a day goes by when I’m not reminded of the gift you are. I pray you never question your place in our family. I pray you always have confidence in God’s good and perfect will for your life because your steps were ordained before you ever came to be.
You were a gorgeous baby, and as you’ve grown and changed, you’ve become even more stunning. Your thick, black hair has always been your crown, and yet your willingness to donate it four times now to children with hair loss has made it even more glorious. While you’ve been told your whole life how beautiful you are, you have never once expressed vanity. I remember introducing you to the movie, Snow White, when you were just three years old. You were so confused by the evil queen’s jealousy. “It’s not her hair or skin that makes her beautiful Mama,” you said. “Snow White is kind; that’s what makes her so pretty.” I was stunned by your wisdom. You’ve always known that beauty comes from within, and I pray you always will. While I’m certain your outward beauty will turn heads all your life, your heart and your character are what has set you apart from the rest since you were old enough to talk. I pray when the world (or a boy) tells you your value lies in your looks, you will stand firm with confidence in your inner beauty, which is so very precious to God. If you ever express pride, may it be pride in being a daughter of the Most High King.
Providence, you are kind, generous, and compassionate. When you began preschool, your teacher gushed about how sweet and inclusive you were toward all your classmates. When a friend was sad, it was you who sat by their side. When other girls weren’t being so nice, you had the sense to walk away and play with someone else. You greeted everyone with a smile and made every classmate feel like they were your very best friend. Every teacher you’ve had for the last six years has raved about you for the same reasons. You befriend peers who are sitting on the outskirts. You are constantly looking for ways to give, help, and contribute. The character awards you receive at school are well earned, and we are so proud of who you are.
From a very early age, we knew you were creative. As soon as you were able to hold a paintbrush, you began creating imaginative and colorful pictures. You’ve blown us, and so many others, away with your artistic ability. Now, your imagination has extended beyond just making pictures, to buildings and architecture. You make the most amazing structures that are chock full of thoughtful and intentional details. You are a budding artist, turning the most mundane objects into your own perfect masterpieces. Where others see ordinary, you see potential. I love that about you.
My brilliant daughter, you see the world through the eyes of your Creator. Your fascination with animals and nature is truly contagious. Every day you ask new questions and you remember everything you learn. Your knowledge of natural life has led to a true appreciation and respect for God’s creations, great and small. Likewise, your passion for science and history lights you up inside. You devour books with a ravenous appetite. Your curiosity knows no bounds, and I pray your love for learning spurs you to do and try new things every day.
I know it’s hard for you to branch out and test new waters. Your fear of failure is strong. For the last nine years, you have not just succeeded, but excelled in everything you’ve done. Your inner voice often tells you failing is not an option. I pray you grow to understand grace, and extend it to yourself when you fall short, (because you will fall short), and we’ll be there to catch you when you do. We never expect perfection from you dear girl. Trying your best and giving your all will always be enough for us. I pray you come to accept God’s unconditional mercies. I pray every year you grow more and more sure of His desire to love all of you, even the things you don’t love about yourself.
Watching you be a big sister is my favorite thing in the world. No one is more perfectly suited to be Justice’s built-in playmate, confidant, and role model. You love him so well. You are incredibly patient with him. You compromise and forgive quickly. You are his voice of reason when his reckless ideas start to take flight. It was you who made him laugh for the first time, and it’s you who continues to get the best belly laughs from him day after day. I marvel at the friendship you two share, and I credit you completely for it. Providence, you are intentional in your moments with him. I love watching you teach him new things and I love the way you encourage his imagination. He is better because of you. We all are.
You and I are so very different. I don’t always understand the way you process your emotions. You internalize so much. Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on inside your mind. I don’t always know how to love you through your struggles. Thank you for showing me grace when I fail you. Thank you for asking me hard questions. Thank you for your willingness to serve our family with a happy heart. Thank you for relishing our time together and making me feel like I’m your favorite person on earth, (even though we both know Daddy is).
I love the woman you are becoming. I see Jesus in you all day every day. You are an encouragement to our whole family. Every year you grow my heart aches for the year left behind, but I know there is so much more to enjoy in your future. I can’t wait. Happy 9th birthday Providence Joy.
Love,
Mom