Listening In
Lately, a certain young girl in our house has taken up the art of eavesdropping. (I’d write her name, but there’s a good chance she’s peering over my shoulder or sneaking a peak at this blog post before I’ve even finished it. Eavesdropping, it turns out, can take many forms and she’s mastered all of them.) She’ll get up to use the restroom after we’ve already put her to bed and then “forget” to close her bedroom door on the way back, (leaving it open just enough for conversation from the family room to travel through). She nonchalantly putters around the kitchen while I sit at the counter on a video call. Too many times I’ve felt her warm breath over my shoulder while writing an email. When my phone vibrates, she’s quick to grab it and bring it to me; she thinks I don’t notice she’s reading the incoming texts as she walks it across the room. I can’t tell you how often we thought she was reading in the backseat when in fact, her ears were tuned in to the low whispers of grown-up conversation happening up front. Just yesterday my husband and I were behind a closed door in the spare bedroom, secretly planning a weekend excursion for the kids, when Little Miss All-Ears walked right in without knocking. We promptly kicked her out, but later after we emerged from the room she was on me like white on rice, asking, “What were you guys talking about?” Lord have mercy.
I thought I was aware of her constant listening in, but it’s happening more than I realized. The girl will casually ask me questions about things I thought she knew nothing about. During dinnertime conversations little nuggets of information will slip out of her mouth, revealing she knows more than she let on. Now, is every text, email, or chat I have with my husband or a friend “private” and inappropriate for a ten-year-old? No. But should I leave it up to her to discern? Also no. It was time to have a chat with Little Miss All-Ears.
Let me first say that we have a very open relationship with our daughter. She’s ridiculously mature for her age and she can see things practically without emotions influencing her perspective, which is why we trust her with some of our biggest family discussions. We share a lot with her about what’s going on in our family, our careers, and our faith. We’re recognizing now that we may have loosened the boundaries a little too much, as it seems she feels entitled to know every last detail of everything and anything. It was this sense of entitlement that needed to be addressed. I took her aside and gently explained that her Dad and I are in charge of deciding what she knows and what she doesn’t know about our business. If there is something we’d like to share with her, we’ll do it voluntarily; she doesn’t need to seek it out behind our backs. I also explained to her that things like emails, text messages, and phone conversations are not for her eyes or ears, and they should be respected as private. The bottom line was that she needed to trust us as her parents to share things with her we deemed appropriate, both in content and in timing. If we choose not to tell her something, it’s because she isn’t meant to know. She humbly apologized and committed to respecting our boundaries and our privacy from here on out. I’m so grateful for her understanding and her willingness to yield to our authority. I certainly didn’t exemplify that same humility with my parents when I was her age, and if I’m being honest, I struggle to do so with God at my present age.
The temptation to eavesdrop is one we’ve all faced, isn’t it? We’ve all wished to be a fly on the wall at some point, to be “in the know,” privy to private information locked away from our prying eyes. Sometimes this temptation is driven by pure curiosity; we just want to be in the loop, maybe catch a bit of gossip, or be let in on a secret. Sometimes it’s driven by paranoia; we want to be sure no one is talking about us, and if they are, what are they saying? Sometimes it’s driven by insecurity; we just want to know what others think about us, and if they like us or not. And sometimes, it’s driven by mistrust; we think we know better than the person keeping us at bay, and we trust our discernment more than theirs. We assume they must be keeping secrets from us because they aren’t trustworthy. After all, only shady, sneaky people keep secrets, right? When it comes to God, this is where we’re wrong.
It used to bother me when I couldn’t find an answer for something in the Bible. God’s Word reveals a lot, but there’s also a lot it doesn’t say, and it would frustrate me to no end. A pastor friend of mine responded to my frustration once with these simple words: “If the Bible doesn’t tell us, we’re not meant to know.” It sounds an awful lot like what I told my daughter recently, doesn’t it? The same could be said for my prayer life. Oh, what I’d give to put my ear to the wall of heaven and listen in on God’s plans for my life! I often resent the limitations of my knowledge. If I could only get the slightest hint, just a brief snippet of the work He has yet to reveal, maybe it could help me make the decisions I need to make today. It often feels like God is keeping secrets from me, refusing to show me what’s going on behind the scenes. It’s here that I need to remember that if He’s not telling me, I’m not meant to know.
This is still hard to accept, even though I’ve worked through many of my trust issues with God over the years. I no longer question His authority or give Him the silent treatment when He doesn’t answer me the way I hoped, but I’ll admit I do still cross my arms and sulk when He refuses to show me His hand. But here’s what I know: God has never been wrong before. Not once have I looked back on a season of my life and thought, “If only He’d told me about that sooner,” because I know if He had, my life would look a lot different, and I love my life just as it is. Every season, no matter how difficult, has shaped me and strengthened me. Hindsight has always been 20/20, and I have felt gratitude over and over again for God’s good and perfect timing. Of the two of us, God is certainly the one with the better track record. I am impatient and impulsive, and when left to my own devices, I make disastrous mistakes. Of the two of us, God is infinitely more trustworthy. If He’s not revealing His cards to me, I can be sure it’s for good reason.
The testing of our faith can feel torturous. We scowl and roll our eyes every time we’re told, “Have a little faith. It will all work out.” Faith, by definition, means to have complete trust or confidence in something. Yet every minute of the day we are tempted to pull back the curtain and demand to see what He’s hiding. I’m reminded of the classic movie, Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her friends draw back the curtain to reveal the voice behind the great, renowned Wizard only to find a timid, pudgy old man. Needless to say, they are shocked and disappointed. I wonder how I’d feel if I was prematurely let in on God’s plan for my life. Would I be excited or relieved? Or might I feel shocked and disappointed like Dorothy and her pals? What if I saw that this season of trials isn’t even close to over? What if I saw I was heading for a devastating loss, a major crisis, or an unexpected change? Would I still trust Him, or would my faith be shaken? I’m glad I don’t have to answer that.
It’s been six days since I had that talk with my daughter about eavesdropping. I’ve noticed she’s steered clear of my conversations with her Dad after dinner and I haven’t seen her check my phone or my laptop even once. I told her how much I appreciated her respecting my things and my private business and asked if it’s been hard to resist. She simply shrugged and said, “I actually like it better, not knowing. I worry a lot less when I don’t know what’s going on.” Ya know what? I do too. We can choose to resent our ignorance or count it as bliss. I’m glad God knows what I can handle and what I can’t. I’m glad He gives me exactly what I need to know today and today only. I am on a need-to-know basis and that’s fine by me.
Proverbs 3:5
“[…] trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself.” -The Living Bible
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” -NIV
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not trust in your own understanding.” -NLV
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.” -The Message